Making coffee is an art and I’ve experimented with making coffee for a long time. I’ve tried 20 different brands and experimenting with various filters, coffee makers, ingredients, beans, grains, water, you name it.
Along the way I found that putting in the effort to make good coffee, is worth it and here’s why:
If you’re going to buy good coffee then make good use of it!
Good organic coffee is comparatively more costly than Chemical Dogshit Wal-Mart Coffee and considerably better tasting and healthier.
So why not take the time to look at what goes into making your coffee and get the highest value possible?
You with me? Good!
The formula I’m about to give you is from a long time of perfecting my coffee and its almost too good to share. But since you are a wheeler, dealer, and full-time killer, I’ll share it anyway.
THE BEST COFFEE ON EARTH: INGREDIENTS
YOU WILL NEED
– a 12 cup coffee maker (I use Mr. Coffee)
– 1 pack of Nature Brew Coffee filters
– a Gallon of distilled water
– 1 Alkazone Electrolye Mineral Supplement
– RED COFFEE
– a 1-Tablespoon measure
– a 40 oz Thermos from Bass Pro Shop or Amazon
“WTF MARCUS, MAKING COFFEE IS EASY! Why make it so hard?”
Making “okay” coffee is brain-dead fucking easy, absolutely perfect coffee requires effort to make. Here’s an explanation of each ingredient:
Coffee Maker: You need this, hopefully this needs no explanation. You don’t need to waste money on the fancy stuff. Just buy a 12-cup Mr. Coffee and call it a day. Any department store has one.
Nature Brew Coffee Filters: Think about it, your coffee has to pass through the filter to get into the pot. This affects not only the taste but the content of what going into your coffee. White coffee filters have chemicals in them, thats why the color is a perfect and unnatural bleach-white. DON’T DRINK CHEMICALS! You can buy these at a grocery store.
Distilled Water: Its water in its purest possible form and you can buy a gallon for 99 cents at any department store (I distill my own). This affects the taste and character of your coffee more than any other factor other than the coffee grains themselves. The worst thing you could ever do is make your coffee with municipal tap water:
Massive difference right? The tap water is “hard” water, full of calcium from Lake Michigan. It also has a bevy of medications, chlorine, and other bullshit. Distilled water all the while is beautiful, pure and clean as you can see.
Alkazone Electrolye Mineral Supplement: This factors in very slightly for taste but its really for overall health. Distilled water lacks, minerals you would normally get from bottled or tap water like magnesium and you will need to add them back in when you consume distilled water.
Red Coffee: The best and freshest coffee I’ve ever had. Red Coffee beans are ground up and sealed the moment they fall from the tree. Clean air, clean soil, clean process, no chemicals, no additives, no preservatives and you can TASTE IT!
Tablespoon Measure: 5 table spoons will make 12 cups of caffeinated perfection.
Thermos: We do not EVER want to burn our precious coffee! That’s why we take it off the burner, outta the pot, and put it in the Thermos so it stays fuckin’ hot!
The Exact Method To Make Perfect Coffee
1. Add 5 tablespoons of RED into your nature brew filter
2. Add 24 drops of Alkazone to your gallon of distilled water
3. Pour 12 cups of said water into the coffee maker
4. Start the brew cycle
5. Be ready to pour turn off the coffee maker as soon as its down brewing
6. Pour the hot coffee into your Thermos (fits 8 cups)
7. Wait 10-15 minutes for the cup of coffee to settle and cool if you like and enjoy a cup of the worlds finest coffee.
FINAL RESULTS: What your Coffee will look like…
beautiful ain’t it?
Writing this article was a blast, I hope you enjoy it too. Once you wrap your head around how to make good coffee, you’ll never want your coffee any other way. You can make coffee infinitely better than Starbucks at a much cheaper price.
The only coffee that comes close to this is the French Coffee in the French Quarter of New Orleans at Cafe Du Monde. (a world famous cafe by the way)
Enjoy your Coffee!
P.S. I only ever drink my coffee black and I’m totally clueless about sugar, creamers and all that shit. Let me know in the comments how you like your coffee.